A pick of the best sex books can help you understand yourself and your relationship better through sexual fulfilment. Ranging from research on the female orgasm to guides on improving intimacy with a long-term partner, there's a read for everyone on our list.
While many people still feel embarrassed talking or reading about sex, there truly should be no shame in wanting to read expert insights and useful advice to improve your relationship. At the end of the day, it's just going to ensure your (and your partner's) sexual happiness in the years to come. We're learning more about what we do and don't like sexually as the years go by and being able to have open and honest conversations about it all - from using one of the best sex toys in the bedroom to differing sex drives.
All the best sex books are written by experts. So, we've asked an independent panel of psychologists, sexologists, and sex coaches to reveal their favourite self-help books about masturbation, spicing up your sex life, and improving and maintaining a healthy sex life in a long-term relationship.
The best sex books
Best sex books about masturbation
Books about female masturbation can help you get to know your body better. Whether you're starting from scratch with self-pleasure or looking to enhance your understanding of your desires and pleasure centres, these books are recommended by experts to help you get to know yourself better.
"This is one all about the science surrounding female sexuality and pleasure," says Julia Kotziamani, a sex and relationship coach and educator who specialises in helping women reconnect with their sexuality. It focuses on the idea that every woman is different and sexuality is like a fingerprint: totally unique. How women engage with desire and sex is dependent on so many factors, from their sexual response mechanisms to their current partnership.
"If you are just starting sexual exploration or rediscovery, or are already well acquainted with what turns you on but want to get deeper, this is a great book to read," she says.
The workbook for Come As You Are is a great companion to go with the book, says Kate Moyle, UKCP registered psychosexual and relationship therapist. "A spin-off of the bestseller Come As You Are, this book is brilliant for getting you to think about your sexual self and is full of amazing learning and self-development exercises to go along with it step by step," she says.
"You will learn a lot about how the environment surrounding you will impact your sexual desires and how to develop a better relationship with your anatomy and libido," says Kotziamani.
"This book really helps us to destigmatise shame and embrace all parts of us," says sexologist Marla Renee Stewart, who is also the resident sexpert for Lovers, a sexual wellness brand and retailer.
"Radical self-love is difficult to do in a world that thrives on our insecurities. This book helps you to gain the confidence you need by understanding how your body has done you right over the years. This is one of the best sex books because helps you to make peace with yourself and be mindful of other people and their personal body image struggles, also."
If you want to learn more about masturbation, whether you're single or in a partnership of some kind, then this could be one of the best sex books for you.
"It does what it says on the tin, and is a brilliant how-to-guide for self-pleasure. This is something that, if we are honest, everyone can do with and none of us got during sex ed classes or growing up," says Moyle, who is also LELO’s sex and relationship expert.
"The late, great Betty Dodson did so much during her lifetime to destigmatise and demystify female bodies and female pleasure," says Angie Rowntree, founder and director of the award-winning site Sssh.com, the premier destination for sex-positive, ethical porn.
"Her work on masturbation is truly a humanitarian affair. Suppose you have struggled with sexual shaming, consciously or unconsciously conditioned yourself that masturbation is 'bad' or will 'ruin' your chances of pleasurable partnered sex. In that case, this classic is a must-read," she says.
As the name might suggest, Becoming Cliterate is all about getting to know this tiny bundle of nerves. Here, sex therapist and psychology professor Laurie Mintz reveals what clitoral stimulation is all about and makes a case for prioritising the clitoris during masturbation and sex with your partner to close the 'orgasm gap'.
Given that almost 70% of women need or want some kind of clitoral stimulation during sex to come to orgasm, it's no surprise that this was the top pick from many of the experts when it came to books about masturbation.
Best sex books for new positions
"If you feel like you maybe need less head-shrinking and more ideas for your next date night then we heavily recommend 101 Nights of Great Sex," says Sssh.com founder Rowntree, making it ideal for anyone who wants to try out the best sex positions and exciting new angles.
"It’s hard to go wrong with so many fun and engaging and very practical ideas to implement new seduction ASAP. Corn does an amazing job of making 101 Nights accessible and enticing. There are ideas geared towards both men and women, so it’s always collaborative."
Ideal for anyone who wants to explore some of the best lesbian sex positions, this book is all about education and technical skills for women who have sex with women.
"Although any person can learn a lot from this book," says sexologist Stewart. "Girl Sex helps you to get more aware of your own body, as well as others, and it provides you with tried and true moves and information that proves successful."
Rowntree agrees. "If you want a particular contemporary focus on female pleasure, we cannot recommend this book enough. Designed for 'women and their lovers', this book will enlighten you on everything from anatomy, communication and consent, to the myriad of ways to pleasure yourself or someone else. There’s also some great advice from thirteen of today’s top sex educators including Nina Hartley, Sex Nerd Sandra, Jiz Lee, Dirty Lola, Julia Serano, Reid Mihalko, Sunny Megatron, and more."
"Contrary to what some people think, you don’t need to be in a relationship to explore how the body's yearnings relate to the soul," says Rowntree. "In Sacred Sex, Herstik discusses sex magick and takes you through various mystical traditions, including tantric sex, kundalini, Kabbalah, and Taoism, as well as the tarot and archetypes. You’ll find guided journal exercises, confidence affirmations, and 'pleasure rituals' for self-love and self-lust."
If you are open-minded and looking for an integrative and creative approach to nurturing and exploring your sexuality, then definitely give this one a try, she says.
Books for better sex
If you're in a long-term relationship and looking to spice things up in the bedroom, you're certainly not alone. The experts say this is a common issue among couples who've been together for a long time - it's certainly nothing to worry about. Learning how to have better sex in the future may involve learning something new though, so here, the experts offer their favourite books.
"While you may think this is a “how-to” book, that is not the case," says Barbara Santini, psychologist and sex therapist, who works with Peaches and Screams. "This book explores the connection between sexual feelings and the human body. Believe me, when you understand this connection, you are more likely to enjoy sex in your long-term relationship."
Rowntree agrees. "Love Worth Making is one of the best deep dives out there designed to give you serious insight into the multifaceted nature of your sexual feelings and how to understand and transmute those feelings into lasting passion," she says.
"This is a brilliant and inclusive guide for navigating sex through a psychological and emotional lens, which is one of the biggest parts that shapes our sexual experiences," says Moyle. "Every chapter has 'try it now' exercises to help you to dip your toe into doing things differently when it comes to your sex life, and opening up perspectives."
Kotziamani agrees, "This is an insightful, sensitively handled and enlightening book which explores a much wider range of desires, sexualities, and genders than we are used to hearing about. It's an expansive guide to pleasure, safety, and acceptability and really showcases the wide and exciting range of 'normal' human sexual desires."
"This is a must-read for anyone who wants to hold down a healthy, respectful, and progressive relationship. It truly revolutionised how I viewed personal relationships as a woman in a world designed with men in mind," says Kotziamani. Perfect for anyone looking to learn how to establish deal breakers in a relationship.
"It is not about sex per se, more about all facets of love and intimacy, but it flips the script on how we view interpersonal dynamics, and I recommend it to all of my clients, friends, and followers," she says. "It delves into and challenges the core values we need to build from in healthy relationships and sets up the foundations from which great love (and sex) can grow."
"This is an amazing book for anyone who struggles to communicate with their partner or partners about sex both in and outside of the bedroom. It is full of amazing practical tricks to get you talking confidently and overcoming shame," says Kotziamani.
"It's useful for anyone who has intimate partnerships, from talking consent, safely exploring and sharing fantasies in a long-term relationship, all the way to BDSM orgies. It's also candid, fast-paced, and funny, so is a great read. It comes with exercises which can really shift the way you think and talk about sex."
"A lot of couples have been opening up their relationship and getting great results. However, you really need to be strategic, educate yourself, and do the best you can to prepare for what's to come," says Stewart. "When we're not secure, this is when trauma and drama happens, so it's super important to get a good foundation when it comes to opening up your relationship."
"I really like this book for couples because it's a way to take a pause and really reflect on your relationship," says Stewart. "Sometimes in relationships, we get bored or we just don't know how to make the relationship better. This helps you to think about your individual desires, your lover's desires, as well as how you can navigate your desires together and what that looks like in the future."
"This is a great text because it gives you structure around communication," says Stewart. "Although, the structure is a bit tedious, modifying the structure to fit your needs can help you get through the communication piece in a way that works for you. It helps you understand and empathise with your lover, and hear how you can better your relationship through strategic conversation."
The writer of Sex Detox also penned this practical and friendly guide to women's orgasms. She Comes First combines research, philosophy, step-by-step instructions, and detailed anatomical information to create a highly informative and entertaining guide.
While it's designed for men to read, anyone can benefit from the helpful tips in this guide, whether you're new to having sex with women or want to level up your technique.
"This book basically sums up how much of what we are taught about desire plays a part in us not having the sex lives that we want," says Moyle. "Dr Karen Gurney is the leading voice on the topic of desire, and the book is a combination of 'ah ha' moments, questions, and thinking points and exercises that you can try. As one of the best sex books, it will honestly turn everything that you think about desire and wanting sex on its head."
How to choose the best sex book for you
- Think about what you want: When it comes to choosing a book about sex, you'll want to consider what your end goal is. Are you looking to understand more about your own anatomy and orgasms? Want to improve the sex you're having? Or just learn more about sex from a psychological, societal or historical standpoint?
- Relationship status: The book you might want as a single person may be very different to the book you'd want if you were in a relationship. While anyone can benefit from learning more about their own anatomy and self-pleasure, if you're in a relationship, you might prefer to incorporate this with some information on how to incorporate this into your partnership.
- Talk to your partner: "Talking is so undervalued in relationships," says Kotziamani. If you're in a relationship and reading one of the best sex books to improve your relationship, take the time to speak to your partner about what's going right in your love life and what could be improved. "Go forward with a non-critical approach and stay open to their thoughts."
- Digital or physical: Nowadays, you can almost always buy books digitally so they can be downloaded to your Kindle or e-reader. However, some of the best sex books are not available as digital downloads, so it's worth bearing this in mind.
