Happy Fourth of July my fellow Americans — this list is for you. And to my British friends, neighbors and colleagues, forever bemused by the stateside concoctions we hold so near and dear to our corn-fed hearts, I say take note.
If you, like me, have ever been ridiculed for eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at work, just imagine what would happen if you debuted a big hunk of Velvetta and headed straight for the microwave.
Actually, just explain what Velvetta is and watch the unease begin to form. Ahh delicious, delicious unease. Great with salsa.
In truth, London is full of praise worthy Yankee eats — obviously, it's London and impossible to find a meal not worth writing home to ma and pa about.
Yet, sometimes you just want to settle in for the night with a fresh box of Cheezits and an episode of Dateline.
From Superbowl necessities to movie theatre staples, these are the (mostly) junk-food snacks, treats and instant eats for homesick Americans and our curious British cohorts.
American Pie from Balthazar
As American as apple pie — a saying worth all its golden, buttery, ice cream topped weight. We love a sweet pie and right now Balthazar is severing some dangerously delicious party-sized varieties of the classic American dish.
Freshly baked to order, available to take home to be eaten immediately while listening to John Prine, John Denver or Johnny Cash.
Key Lime, Banoffee, Apple and Blueberry, Pear and Plum or New York Cheesecake — all the usual suspects and the closest real-deal American pie you'll find this side of the Atlantic.
£15 per pie | Balthazar All American Week
Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing and Seasoning Mix
Is it even a salad without Ranch? Improving iceberg lettuce everywhere Ranch is the American salad dressing of choice. The flavor? If blue cheese and Caesar got together, but blue cheese wasn't as into it — that's Ranch.
I also love these seasoning packs, which last far longer than the bottled stuff. Add milk and mayo to make Ranch salad dressing, or sour cream to make a Ranch dip. You can also sprinkle the powder straight onto cubed potatoes before you toss them in the oven.
£4 | Amazon | Buy it now
Cheez-It
Statistically speaking one in three visits to any US gas station will result in a Cheez-It purchase. Probably. Some say the fine-crushed bits at the bottom will tell you your future, others say "Jessica please stop calling, your order will be here Monday, we don't have any more information for you".
Touché, Walmart Supercentre of the greater Phoenix area.
£7.89 | Amazon | Buy it now
Red Vines Liquorice Tub
The smaller, rectangle packages of Red Vines are longstanding icons of American cinema snackage, but a Red Vines tub was the grocery store Holy Grail you desperately hoped your parents would buy but they never, never did.
Some relationships come down to just one thing: are you Red Vines or Twizzlers? To borrow a phrase from Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod: "there can only be one."
£14 | Amazon | Buy it now
Buttermilk Biscuit Mix
Truth be told, you don't need a store-bought mix to make good biscuits, but if you're weary - try this one. Often descried as a savoury scone, a biscuit is best served slathered in country gravy (that's white gravy with pepper) and nestled between grilled corn, collard greens and a chicken-fried steak. Or in my case, a deep-fried tofu wedge..
Pro tip: use a clean, empty soup tin as a biscuit cutter. After you roll out the dough, push the open tin straight into the dough, then pull up to release the biscuit. But don't twist! Twisting as you cut will crimp the edges and make it difficult for the biscuits to rise.
See the amount of butter in the picture below? This is correct. Per half. Lovely with honey, too.
£13.49 | Amazon | Buy it now
Heinz Shrimp Cocktail Sauce
English cocktail sauce (Marie Rose sauce) is made with mayo, and it's perfectly tasty, but it ain't Heinz. Adorning the pantries of shrimp-loving Americans everywhere, all you need is a handful of cold prawns and a chilled bowl.
You can also pick this up in person from Partridges in Sloane Square, or online from their dedicated American section.
£3.75 | Partridges | Buy it now
Velveeta
Alright Velveeta deniers, you know who you are. No one wants to admit they like Velveeta, but come Superbowl Sunday, damn if it's not the first thing licked clean from the dip table.
Velveeta is cheese that's not really cheese but that you use as cheese. Get it? It doesn't need to be refrigerated prior to opening... so that should tell you something.
The box features a sultry scene of Mac'n Cheese but I only know it one way — cubed, topped with a lot of salsa, microwaved for a minute or two, and served alongside tortilla chips.
A&W Root Beer
I'm a Barq's woman. Always have been, always will be. But considering Barq's root beer is a no-go in the UK, A&W is a fine, fine substitute. Just add two scoops of ice cream and you've got yourself a float.
Fun fact: Root beer comes from sassafras and sarsaparilla, regarded for its antiseptic properties, and used in a variety of UK toothpastes and cough syrups — hence the eww this tastes like medicine refrain.
£15.20 | Amazon | Buy it now
Claussen Dill Pickles
Sure, you've got your Van Holten's, your Brooklyn Brine, your McClure's Spicy and your classic Vlasic but no one comes close to Claussen.
Crisp, snappy, vinegar injected heaven spears — or pickles. Tomayto, tomahto really.
This is only product on this list without a shoppable link — I'm sorry, I tried. If someone knows the folks at Claussen please get in touch.
Not available in the UK (but would mostly likely sell out in a day...just saying)
Crystal Hot Sauce
A point of pride for Southern Americans but worshipped well beyond the Mississippi — last Christmas I had to pay an excess baggage fee, triggered by disproportionate hot sauce weight. Worth it.
£6.19 | Amazon | Buy it now
Honorable mentions:
Folgers Coffee (90's commercial for full nostalgia)
