A key question asked in the 1993 film "In the Line of Fire" is: "What do you see late at night when the demons come?" Unresolved emotional trauma is the answer for many people.
The National Council for Mental Wellbeing found that 70% of U.S. adults — around 220 million people — will experience trauma at least once in their lives.
Further, a 2021 study found that 48% of U.S. workers experience misconduct like harassment and hostile environments in the workplace.
Unresolved emotional trauma, whether brought into the workplace or experienced there, stops people from living their best and most productive lives. In addition, it costs U.S. businesses around $20 billion dollars a year in lost productivity.
Trauma victims need more than their feelings being dismissed with such platitudes as "move on with your life" or "get over it." Usually that's said by those who either caused the emotional trauma or simply don't care.
Only you can care for your mental well-being.
Acknowledge Your Emotional Trauma And Your Story
The first step in healing from trauma? Cultivating self-awareness about what happened to you and the story your brain wrote because of it, says Karena Kilcoyne.
A child of trauma herself who became a successful attorney, Kilcoyne wrote "Rise Above the Story: Free Yourself from Past Trauma and Create the Life You Want."
People who've experienced emotional trauma don't always deal with their feelings. "Often we compartmentalize our pain, falsely believing that it will resolve on its own," she said. "It won't."
People also ignore or suppress their emotions, thinking they're too busy to feel their deepest pains.
Lastly, people don't want to "unearth the sadness, anger and disappointment of the past so we bottle it up," Kilcoyne said. "Being honest about what happened and how you feel about it is essential in resolving your trauma."
Talk Yourself Up
Changing your story — your brain's negative mind chatter — takes patience and practice.
When you experience emotional trauma, feelings of unworthiness and thoughts that you deserved what happened to you can manifest.
"When you hear the negative mind chatter, ask yourself if you'd say any of those things to someone you love," Kilcoyne said. "I bet you wouldn't tell your best friend that he's fat or stupid."
She advises to flip the script: "Say the exact opposite to yourself and say it with love. Sometimes saying a simple 'you're doing your best' goes a long way."
Show Yourself Some Empathy
Kilcoyne recommends this exercise to help release your emotions in the moment and deal better with unresolved trauma: The next time you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, go somewhere quiet — without your phone — close your eyes, and inhale and exhale five times to the count of five.
What do you feel? Anger? Sadness? Fear? Resentment? Anxiety? Abandonment?
Next, she said, "put one hand on your heart and one on your stomach and tap while saying: 'Even though I feel all this (insert your emotion), I love and accept myself.' Say this until you feel the emotion dissipate."
The paradox is while we're taught to feel empathy and love for others, "we aren't always encouraged to feel it for ourselves. Honoring our emotions in this way is a great way to do that," Kilcoyne said.
Understand What Makes You Tick
What types of experiences, substances or people in your life tend to lead to less-than-ideal moods, frustrations or self-punitive thoughts? asks Dr. Christine Yu Moutier. She's the chief medical officer at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
Conversely, she continues, what things lead you to experience increased resilience, patience and a sense of calm?
"In the background, contributing to how we tick are life's traumas, feeding unconscious patterns in our lives that we all have," Moutier said.
The first step is becoming curious about what patterns are at play in your life that, if explored and addressed, "might lead you on a path to better mental health and functioning," she said.
Consider The Benefits Of Professional Help
Just as many leaders benefit from executive coaching, therapy can help you carve out space to process your emotional challenges, Moutier said.
"Therapy can be a game changer, especially when trauma has been part of your life — whether it was in your younger years or more recently," she said.
"Self-reflecting, processing past experiences and making changes in your life are just much easier to accomplish while in therapy versus on your own," Moutier added. "Additionally, there are some therapies designed and proven for emotional trauma."
