OAKLAND, Calif. — For as long as I can remember, gathering people around a table has been a sacred act for me.
I’ve happily lived by myself for over a decade, but I’ve always found joy in turning nearly every space I enter into a dining room. When I lived in a small apartment in Berkeley, I cooked paellas over a rusted fire pit in the yard and churned gallons of ice cream in a wooden, hand-crank machine for dozens of friends, sometimes to my landlords’ dismay.
I’ve thrown dinner parties in friends’ homes across the world, turning their kitchens into my own, and served countless meals in seemingly inhospitable places: abandoned hangars, remote beaches and sprawling farms. But what I remember most clearly is sitting down at a table brimming with friends and raucous laughter and taking joy in everyone’s pleasure.
“There is a realm of time,” writes Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, one of my favorite thinkers, “where the goal is not to have but to be, not to own but to give, not to control but to share.” His philosophy reflects my own: that the most precious gift we can give one another is time spent together.
After I left daily restaurant work 10 years ago, I mentioned offhandedly to the owners of Tartine, in San Francisco, that I’d love to turn their corner bakery into an intimate dining room after hours. To my surprise and delight, they handed over the keys.
Once a month for four years, the bakers at Tartine and I fed friends and strangers all the dishes I could never justify cooking just for myself — huge shrimp boils, brisket and latkes, rich 12-layer lasagnas and billowy chocolate soufflés. A decade later, I’m still moved by the way those who dined with us recall the details of those evenings with specificity and warmth.
Since then, people have become increasingly reliant on digital forms of communication — choosing to text rather than call, or confusing likes for meaningful interaction — and social media have taken a greater hold over our time and attention. Over the past 10 years, I’ve worried that this shift threatened the ethic of gathering and spending time together that means so much to me, even as I grappled with my own complicated relationship with the new technologies.
But within days of the coronavirus stay-at-home orders, as I realized what we were losing — hugs, brushing one another’s shoulders as we scoot our chairs closer to the table, cooking and eating together, gifts of our time and attention — I let my guard down a bit. I’d always stubbornly avoided video calls (they’re a sad approximation of being together, at best), but in isolation, I quickly came to look forward to them. I missed my loved ones too much not to.
The shortcomings of virtual gatherings are frustrating and numerous. You can’t hold a crying friend, you can’t smell the baking cookies and, most of the time, the image is fuzzier than you wish. But I’m finding the good in them. How else can I see an old friend cracking a smile, my brother’s dogs running in mad circles or the check-in on the many kids I adore?
I still miss setting the table for others. I miss the feeling of anticipation right before people arrive for a meal (and relief right after they leave). I miss that inexplicable moment at the dinner table when any awkwardness washes away and a bunch of individuals, some of whom might have been strangers, becomes a unified group. I miss conversation so vibrant that no one is tempted to pull out a phone. I even miss the inevitable moment when things get so silly and lively that I spill something or fall off my seat.
But now that we’ve shed all pretense, showing up in front of colleagues and friends alike in sweatpants, with five-day hair, and children and pets running amok in the background, I feel at home online. But this version of the internet finally offers exactly what I love most about intimate in-person gatherings — a lack of posturing.
Back in May 2010, feeling inspired after my second Tartine dinner, I wrote a list in my journal of what I wanted out of every gathering I hosted: “delicious, simple, honest food and good wine,” for “good conversation to ensue and friendships to be forged,” for “the good china to be used, linens to be pulled down from the cabinet, candles to be lit and music to be played.”
Most of all, I wanted people “to go on and create another special experience for a different group of folks,” the idea being that they’d spread these values, creating a greater connection to our food, and to one another.
So I wonder, what would it be like if we threw out all of our expectations and showed up to be together, however flawed our cooking, however messy our kitchens, however rusty our skills?
What if we all come together, light the candles, use the good china, for a meal of good food, good wine and wonderful company, in the only way we can right now?
If, like me, you are craving a shared meal, a shared project, a shared sense of purpose (if only for a day), then please join me at a grand lasagna dinner on Instagram Live this Sunday, May 3, at 7 p.m. Eastern time (4 p.m. Pacific). Let’s spend our day cooking together, even if we’re apart. Let us enter a new kind of space together — a digital one — and turn it into a dining room.
And what better dish to make than a grand, comforting lasagna? It’s the ultimate communal dish (though, if you live alone, as I do, you can freeze and enjoy it for many meals to come).
Here, too, we can spend our most valuable currency on one another by investing it in the hours it takes to prepare this meal. This lasagna — aka the Big Lasagna, the one I’d serve you if you were coming over — is made with diaphanous sheets of pasta layered with rich béchamel, mouthwatering tomato sauce and creamy ricotta speckled with herbs and spinach. And if you can’t get your hands on all of the exact ingredients, I’ve offered substitutions for almost every one.
“What is retained in the soul is the moment of insight,” Heschel wrote, “rather than the place where the act came to pass.”
As you look back, it won’t make a difference if your lasagna emerged from the oven picture-perfect, if you decided to wear pajamas while you ate it, or even, honestly, if you made the lasagna at all — make anything and bring it to the table! I’d like to think those sorts of details will be part of the pleasure of the memory.
It won’t matter precisely how or where we shared this meal. It’ll matter only that we did.
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RECIPE:
The Big Lasagna
Yield: One 9-by-13-inch lasagna (8 to 12 servings)
Total time: About 2 1/2 hours
Ingredients:
For the ricotta filling:
4 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil (if using fresh spinach)
1 pound fresh mature spinach, washed and ends trimmed, 1 pound baby spinach, or 1 1/2 cups frozen spinach, thawed
Fine sea salt
2 pounds whole-milk or part-skim ricotta (about 4 cups)
6 ounces grated whole-milk or part-skim mozzarella, provolone or even string cheese (2 cups)
3 ounces freshly grated Parmesan, Asiago or Grana Padano (1 heaping cup)
20 large fresh basil leaves (from 1 bunch), finely chopped (about 3/4 cup), 2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh Italian parsley or chives, 1 teaspoon finely chopped fresh thyme or marjoram or 1 teaspoon dried Italian seasoning
For the béchamel:
1/2 cup unsalted butter (1 stick)
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
4 cups whole milk
Fine sea salt
Freshly ground black pepper
Ground nutmeg (optional)
For the assembled lasagna:
4 1/2 cups simple tomato sauce (recipe below) or 32 ounces store-bought marinara sauce (preferably without added sugar)
Fine sea salt
16 fresh lasagna sheets (store-bought or homemade, recipe below), 2 (9-ounce) packages dried lasagna noodles (preferably without curly edges) or no-boil noodles (boiled until al dente)
1 1/2 ounces grated Parmesan, Asiago or Grana Padano (1/2 cup)
3 ounces grated whole-milk or part-skim mozzarella, provolone or even string cheese (1 cup)
Preparation:
1. Prepare the ricotta filling: If using fresh spinach, set a large skillet over high heat. (If using thawed frozen spinach, skip to Step 2.) When hot, add 2 tablespoons oil and half the fresh spinach. Season with a pinch of salt and sauté to wilt. Cook until stems are tender, about 3 minutes. Transfer to a baking sheet and allow to cool in a single layer. Repeat with remaining spinach.
2. While spinach cools, combine ricotta, mozzarella, Parmesan, basil and a generous pinch of salt in a large bowl.
3. Taking handfuls of the cooled or thawed spinach, squeeze out as much water as possible, then chop finely and add to cheese mixture. Mix thoroughly, then taste and adjust seasoning for salt. (Filling makes about 6 cups.) Cover and set aside until ready to assemble lasagna. (Ricotta filling can be made 1 day in advance and refrigerated. Bring to room temperature before assembling lasagna.)
4. Prepare the béchamel: Set a large, heavy-bottomed pot or Dutch oven over medium heat and add butter. Once butter has melted, whisk in flour, reduce heat to very low and cook for about 15 minutes, stirring regularly to prevent browning. After the mixture foams a bit, it will visibly transform — the butter will separate, the bubbles will reduce in size, and the mixture will look like freshly wet fine sand. Whisking vigorously, slowly pour in milk. Increase heat to medium and whisk until the mixture thickens, about 2 minutes. Add salt, pepper and nutmeg (if using) to taste.
5. Return heat to low. Continue cooking, whisking regularly, for 10 to 15 minutes until the sauce is thick and smooth, with no raw flour flavor. Taste and adjust seasoning with salt. If béchamel is lumpy, strain through a fine sieve or purée with an immersion blender. (You’ll have about 3 1/2 cups.) Press a piece of parchment or plastic against the surface of the sauce to prevent a skin from forming and set aside until ready to assemble lasagna. (Béchamel can be made up to 1 day in advance, covered directly and refrigerated. Return to room temperature before using.)
6. Prepare the lasagna: Position the highest rack in the oven so that it sits about 6 inches below the top. Heat oven to 400 degrees.
7. If tomato sauce, béchamel and ricotta filling are cold, bring to room temperature or warm them as needed.
8. Set a large pot of water over high heat. Cover and bring to a boil. Set a large colander in a baking dish and place near stove.
9. Season the boiling water generously with salt until it tastes like sea water. Carefully lay one sheet of pasta on the water’s surface. Let it be completely immersed in the boiling water, using a slotted spoon to gently it push down if needed, before adding the next sheet. Add two more pasta sheets in this way and cook for about 2 minutes, or until light in color, floppy in texture and completely cooked through. If pasta bubbles above the water's surface, use a slotted spoon to encourage it back in. Use a sieve to gently remove pasta from the water and into the prepared colander. Rinse under cold water until cool enough to handle, then begin assembly. Continue cooking, draining and rinsing pasta two or three sheets at a time as you assemble lasagna.
10. Spoon about 3/4 cup béchamel into a 9-by-13-inch metal, glass or ceramic baking pan, and use a rubber spatula or your hands to generously coat bottom and sides of pan with sauce.
11. Gently squeezing any remaining water from the pasta, use two or three sheets to entirely cover the bottom of the pan with minimal overlap, and leave ends hanging over sides. (They’ll be helpful for sealing the top.) All four sides need not have overhang; two is plenty.
12. Crumble about 1/3 of the ricotta mixture evenly over pasta to create foundation, then layer with sheets of pasta from edge to edge of pan. Use kitchen shears to help trim pasta to appropriate size and avoid overlap.
13. Spread about 1/3 of the tomato sauce over next layer and cover with pasta.
14. Spread about 1 cup béchamel evenly over next layer, sprinkle with 1/4 cup grated Parmesan, and cover with pasta.
15. Repeat with remaining layers: ricotta, tomato sauce, béchamel and Parmesan, ricotta, tomato sauce, béchamel and Parmesan, following each with a layer of pasta. (If using thicker noodles, you might not be able to fit 8 layers of noodles in the pan. If using store-bought or dried pasta, you can skip the noodle layer between the ricotta and tomato sauce as needed to prevent the lasagna from stretching higher than the top of the pan.)
16. For the top, fold overhanging pasta over a whole sheet to create a sealed pasta layer, then spread with remaining béchamel. Gently cover lasagna with a piece of parchment and wrap tightly with foil. Place onto a baking sheet to catch any overflow and bake on prepared rack.
17. After 40 minutes, pull lasagna from oven and carefully remove foil and parchment. Sprinkle with grated mozzarella and return to oven until golden brown and bubbling on surface, about 20 minutes.
18. Allow to cool for at least 15 minutes before slicing and serving. Leftover lasagna can be wrapped and refrigerated for up to 4 days. To freeze, bake 30 minutes but do not brown, then cool, and freeze for up to 4 weeks. Defrost, then sprinkle with mozzarella and bake uncovered at 400 degrees for 25 to 30 minutes until golden brown and bubbling on surface.
—RECIPE:
Simple Tomato Sauce
Yield: 4 1/2 cups
Total time: 1 1/4 hours
Ingredients:
6 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
5 cups diced yellow onions, red onions or shallots
Fine sea salt
1 (28-ounce) can whole peeled, diced, crushed or puréed tomatoes
4 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
2 tablespoons tomato paste (optional)
4 to 5 basil stems (optional)
1/4 teaspoon red-pepper flakes (optional)
Preparation:
1. Set a medium Dutch oven or similar pot over medium heat, and add 4 tablespoons olive oil. When the oil shimmers, add onions and a pinch of salt. Reduce heat to medium-low and cook, stirring regularly, until onions are lightly golden and tender, 16 to 18 minutes.
2. In the meantime, pour the tomatoes into a large bowl and use hands to crush, if using whole tomatoes. Pour about 1 1/2 cups water into the can and swirl to rinse any remaining purée off the sides. Add the water to tomatoes in bowl and set aside.
3. Once onions are soft and golden, add garlic and cook, stirring, until it threatens to turn golden, about 90 seconds. Add tomato paste, if using, and cook until color deepens, about 3 minutes. Add tomatoes and season with salt. If using, add basil stems and red-pepper flakes. Stirring regularly, allow sauce to come to a boil, then reduce heat to low, cover and simmer until sauce tastes savory and all raw tomato flavor is gone, about 45 minutes.
4. Taste and adjust seasoning with salt and add remaining 2 tablespoons oil. Use a hand blender to purée, pass through a food mill or let cool, then purée using a blender or food processor. Tomato sauce can be made 1 day in advance and refrigerated or frozen up to 3 months.
—RECIPE:
Handmade Lasagna Sheets
Yield: About 20 (13-inch-long) pasta sheets (1 3/4 pounds)
Total time: 1 hour, plus at least 30 minutes resting
Ingredients:
4 cups/510 grams 00 or all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting
4 whole large eggs
5 to 6 large egg yolks
Preparation:
1. Mound the flour in the center of a large mixing bowl. Dig a well in the center of the mound and add the whole eggs and 5 yolks. Using a fork, beat together the eggs and begin to incorporate the flour, starting with the inner rim of the well. The dough will start to come together in a shaggy mass when about half the flour is incorporated.
2. Use your fingers to continue to mix the dough. Press any loose bits of flour into the dough. If needed, add another egg yolk or a tablespoon of water to absorb all of the flour.
3. Once the dough comes together into a cohesive mass, remove it from the bowl and transfer it to a lightly floured surface. Knead the dough by hand until smooth, elastic and uniform in color, 4 to 5 minutes. Wrap the dough in plastic and set aside at room temperature for at least 30 minutes (or up to 4 hours).
4. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and lightly dust with flour. Set aside.
5. Cut off a quarter of the dough. Rewrap the larger portion and set aside. Use the heel of your hand to flatten the small piece of dough into an oval approximately the same width as your pasta machine, about 6 inches wide. Set the rollers to their widest setting and pass the dough through.
6. Lay the dough out onto a lightly floured cutting board or countertop and neatly press together into halves, so it’s again about the same width of the pasta machine. Feed the pasta through again at the widest setting. Think of these first rollings as an extended kneading. Continue to fold the dough in thirds and roll it until it is smooth, silky and even-textured. Do your best to make the sheet the full width of the machine.
7. Once the dough is silky and smooth, you can begin to roll it out more thinly. Roll it once through each of the next two or three settings, adding flour as needed, until the dough is about 1/4-inch thick.
8. Once the pasta is about 1/4-inch thick, begin rolling it twice through the next thinner settings. As you roll, lightly sprinkle flour on both sides of the pasta to prevent it from sticking to itself.
9. Roll out pasta until you can just see the outline of your hand when you hold it under a sheet, about 1/16-inch thick. (On most machines, you won’t make it to the thinnest setting.)
10. Cut pasta into sheets, about 13 inches long. Dust the sheets lightly with flour, stack on the prepared baking sheet and cover with a clean, lightly dampened kitchen towel. Repeat with remaining dough.
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And to Drink ...
For lasagna with meat sauce, my go-to pairing would be a Chianti Classico or some similar dry sangiovese wine. For this recipe, which offers plenty of tomato sauce with the added flavor of spinach, I might still enjoy a red. If Chianti is not available, barbera is a possibility, or perhaps an Etna Rosso from Sicily, made with the nerello mascalese grape. But you could just as easily drink a dry Italian white. The incisive acidity will cut through the rich béchamel, while the citrus and herbal flavors will complement the spinach. Try a Gavi from northwestern Italy, a fiano from Campania, a verdicchio from the Marche region or a Soave from the Veneto. — ERIC ASIMOV
View original article on nytimes.com
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