With the death of a loved one comes organising their belongings - sifting through the physical proof of a life once lived.
Nestled among my late mother's possessions was a Mother's Day card, one I made more than two decades before she passed.
Its cardboard was still intact, etched with my name and my brother's in the best lettering a primary school student could muster. The memories of making that card have been lost to time, but its meaning to my mother endured long after I stopped writing with crayons.
With Mother's Day just around the corner, many will think back to stories like these as they feel the pain from the absence of a loved one.
According to Sonia Fenwick, director and counsellor of Canberra Grief Centre, these occasions can bring that pain to the forefront.
"Days like this, really, because it's so present around us in marketing and advertising, there's no escaping that heightened awareness of role and relationship with mother. And so I think it really taps into a deep longing for, a deep sadness. And it can tap into yearning to have that person back or near," she said.
That sadness can take many forms. In some cases, it may mean mourning a loved one who is still alive.
"There are children who have lost their mother, either to death or estrangement. So we forget about that, too, which is a form of loss. It's adult children grieving their mum. And it's parents grieving the death or estrangement of a child," Ms Fenwick said.
Just as grief is unique to every individual, so too are the ways to cope.
"It's about really listening for what the day means for yourself," Ms Fenwick said.
"If you're wanting to acknowledge the relationship with your child that's died as a mother, or you're wanting to acknowledge the relationship and the role of your mother who's no longer with you, you can still do that."
Some ways to acknowledge include visiting a place of memorial, or writing a message on a Mother's Day card in a public or private manner.
"Particularly if it's a first or second year, where there's a loss of a child, so you're a mother who's lost a child, or it's your first and second year without your mum, a lot of people actually just want to have a gentle day, a day where it's not necessarily about celebration, but just a gentle acknowledgement of the relationship and the role."
Letting the day slip by like any other is "perfectly OK" as well.
"And that may not be the case every year. And it really is about just listening to what you need each year," Ms Fenwick said.
Many who grieve during this time can feel anxious over their own coping and the expectations of others.
Expressing how you feel and what you need to loved ones, Ms Fenwick says, can help you and those around you to better understand your grief.
"The important thing when we're grieving a loss is that even though your child isn't with you, or your mum is no longer with you, or living, that you still have a mum," Ms Fenwick said.
"Mum still is, albeit very different."
- Support is available for those who may be distressed. Phone Lifeline 13 11 14; Kids Helpline 1800 551 800; beyondblue 1300 224 636.
