Name: Banksy.
Age: Who knows? The identity of the street artist, satirist, film-maker, and political and social commentator remains unknown.
I know, because I am Banksy. No you’re not.
OK, but I think I’ve worked out who Banksy really is. “Great, Banksy hugely appreciates any suggestions and is now struggling with that very question.”
Is Banksy having an existential crisis? Is that what this is about? No.
Also, why was that in quotes? Who are you quoting? The Pest Control website.
Pest Control? Do you have bed bugs? No. Pest Control is the organisation that issues certificates of authenticity for genuine Banksys.
Oh, I remember – I got in touch with them a while back, to get mine verified. Still haven’t got it, now you come to mention it. Whoa, you’ve got a Banksy?
Not like an original painting. I should think not. One of them sold for nearly £18.6m.
Right, the shredding one. No, mine’s just a print. How much?
I’d rather not say … six figures. And you don’t know for sure it is a Banksy?
Well, it definitely looks like one. And the guy said it was … although, in retrospect, it does seem odd for an art dealer to be operating solely from the boot of his car. He said it was just while the gallery was being refurbished. Anyway, that’s why I got in touch with the Rat Catcher for the certificate. Pest Control. And do you know why you haven’t got your certificate yet?
Go on. Because, it is claimed, Pest Control is so busy dealing with Banksys that are not, in fact, Banksys.
No! Fake news! Quite.
Who claims this? Joe Syer, leading Banksy expert and art broker.
And what does Joe say? He told the Times that private clients were waiting years to get their Banksys authenticated. “They have such a huge backlog. They weren’t really producing them over the Covid period, and now they are getting 500, 600, 700 applications every month, not always legitimate works …”
Not liking that last bit. What about the Banksy street sign I, er, “found”? That’s genuine. You won’t get a certificate for that either, I’m afraid. The Pest Control website includes a video snippet from Antiques Roadshow, in which an expert explains that a certificate would only be issued if the artwork was “authentic and had not been removed from the public domain”.
Do say: “Can I get a certificate with that please? Yeah, now.”
Don’t say: “Six figures? For that? Hahahaha!”
